I Need to Wash You Out of My Hair
by non dairy creamer
Summary: I need to wash the sand from my feet, I need to wash him out of my hair. But that's just it, I can't.
1. Airport

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

Picking off my nail polish never felt so entertaining. I guess that's the effect of sitting in an airport for 4 hours. You get so bored that picking your nail polish off is the most entertaining thing to do with your life. I hate the smell of airports. It's always a mixture of old people, plus airport eggs and also overly applied cologne. My mind fills with this pointless shit when I'm this bored. Every five minutes I hear the sound of planes coming in. It sounds like a landing ship. You can't even land those and it sounds like them. For once I wasn't being swarmed by paparazzi, maybe because it's 3 in the morning. But hell, those low-lives never sleep. Mom was asleep in the chair next to me. Brandi was asleep on the other side of me with Noah asleep on her lap. I couldn't sleep. Something was just poking me in the back of the mind. But I really couldn't tell what the hell it was.

After I finished picking off all 10 fingers, I got out my phone. I knew Mandy would kill me if I called her at 3 in the morning so that slices her outta the cake. The only person I _used _to know I could call anytime had left me. Completely disowned me and stripped me out of his life. Nick Jonas. He and his brothers have been bastards ever since Nick broke up with me. I honestly didn't do anything to them. Now that they made a group with Demi and Selena, they act like those whores actually have talent. And what the hell is with those teams? I've _never _been friends with Demi, not because I didn't like her, but because I honestly had no idea who she was. I heard all these rumors about her attempting to be me, but I just didn't care. Then I finally met her. All the rumors were true. She's a wannabe.

Selena wasn't that bad in the beginning, to be honest. Then she started hanging with Demi. She went bitch. Now I know I probably sound harsh, but it's the truth. An announcement came onto the intercom. Yes at 3 in the morning. "Everyone boarding the plane to Los Angeles please make your way to gate B." The man said over the intercom. "Mom wake up." I said nudging her. "Hmm?" She asked. "Plane's here." I said. She tapped Brandi on the shoulder and she woke up. "Plane's here." I repeated. She nodded and stood up, Noah still attached to her neck. I grabbed my bag and I got Brandi's for her. We made our way from the chairs to the gate. "Thank you." I said as the lady scanned my ticket. I really didn't feel like speaking to anyone, but I was taught my manners and used them… most of the time.

I walked through the terminal with about 13 people behind me, including mom and Brandi with Noah. I got on the plane and looked at my tickets. First class: again. I walked up to the first row and sat down. Never the window seat. Oh my God I hate those. I mean seriously, what if someone sets off a bomb? I'd be the first that would blow up because it would go through the window. What if someone throws a rock and it broke the window? It would hit _my_ head.

"Noie sit down." Brandi said as she placed her in the seat next to me. The window seat. Haha, loser.

Noah's eyes slowly opened and she yawned. "Where are we?" She asked.

"Plane." I said. "We're going home."

She smiled. "Where is my Nintendo DS?" She asked.

"It's in my bag." Brandi said. "And where would that be, Miley?"

"How come you all always blame me?" I asked. Brandi shot me a glare.

"Because you always do it." She said as I gave her, her bag.

"What's going on now?" Mom asked sitting down across from me, next to Brandi.

"Miley took my bag again." Brandi said taking out a magazine bigger then the bible.

"It was only because you had Noah! God Brand, I'm not out to get you." I said crossing my arms.

"You two, stop it." Mom said. "Since when do you read?"

"Since Robert Pattinson made the cover of this magazine." Brandi said showing mom the cover.

"The Twilight dude?" I asked.

"Yes, Miley." She sighed.

"You have a boyfriend, you know." I said.

"But _every _girl needs to have a celebrity crush!" She laughed.

"Hardy, hardy har!" I said.

"Come on Miley. Just because you dated your celebrity crush then he broke up with you…" Brandi said.

"That's enough Brandi." Mom said seeing me get upset.

"Just because my boyfriend broke up with me and you still have one, it doesn't give you the exception to be a bitch!" I said to Brandi.

"Miley just swore!" Noah said pointing at me.

"Miles, no more cussing." Mom said.

"Sorry mom." I sighed. "Sorry Noah."

I sighed loudly, got out my iPhone and set it to music. I scrolled down and found The Maine's album and set it to random.

I rested my head on the head rest as I buckled my seat belt. I really hated hearing those miserable flight attendants blab on about how to buckle a seat belt. All the four year olds on this plane have their mothers to fasten their seat belts.

I slowly closed my eyes to the wonderful words of I Must Be Dreaming. I let my mind fill with the thoughts of when I had fans, when people didn't call me a slut and the times I was with Nick. I dreamed about him often. I knew it probably wasn't the healthiest thing. But I really have just numbed my brain- I've never truly got over him.

I know I really need to get over him, but the way he loved me… I'm not gonna find that again. I called him names and we said stuff we didn't mean. We acted like everything was fine afterwards, but the truth is we were and never will be the same.

Nick and his brothers swore they would never change how they felt for me after the break-up. But that was all lies. They met Demi and Selena. They took over them. Brainwashing everything out of their minds. The second Joe stopped believing in me, I was distraught. Kevin took Demi and Selena's side, I cried for 3 days. _Nick _stopped loving me, caring about me and taking up for me, I didn't know what to do with myself. I cried non-stop for a month.

He was my first love. I always have felt that God put someone on this earth to be my soul mates. For two years, I thought and knew Nick was that person. You win some, you loose some. But I lost something I really didn't need to loose. I'm only a kid, yes, but I found love young. But I let it slip away. I remember that terrible night as if it was yesterday.

**Flashback**

"_Miley can I talk to you for a second?" Nick asked me pulling me to the side._

"_Sure Nicky. Make it quick though, I have to get ready for the-" Nick cut me off with a shocking sentence._

"_I think we should break up." He said, eyes closed. _

_My mouth dropped. "What?" I asked biting my lip._

"_I think we should break up, Smiles." He always called me that when he felt terrible. _

_I took a deep breath as a tear made its way down my once made-up cheek. "Okay Nick." I said grasping my own hand. _

"_I love you, Miley." Nick said putting his hand on my shoulder._

_"I knew this was too good to be true." I said shrugging his hand off my shoulder._

"_Miley, wig time!" Mom called from a far._

"_Goodbye Nick." I said turning around and walking away. This was one time when I just wanted to go home and cry and I couldn't. Because I had to go on stage and make all my fans happy. I had to put on a happy giddy act and pretend that I was okay. And I had to sing with Nick. When right now all I wanted to do was punch him. Then hug him and cry into his chest. And he comfort me… but that couldn't happen. He dumped me._

My eyes shot open as I once again dreamt about that night. I had only been asleep for 8 minutes, even though it felt like 8 hours. I never found out why Nick dumped me and I've pondered it ever since. He took my happiness when he left. He took the shine from my eyes. He took the love of my life. "We are about to take off." The air hostess said over the intercom. "Enjoy your flight."

Air ports always make me think of Nick. He first asked me out at an airport. He asked me to be his girlfriend at an air port. Thank God he didn't break up with me at an air port. I played around with my hair as the plane started to rumble. We were taking off. I loved the feel of being so high up above everything. It makes me feel, happy.

I shut my eyes and tried to think about everything besides Nick. It worked. I imagined the world if it were everything _but _Nick. I was finally fast asleep- at peace. Mind over matter is what my granddad would say. Mind over matter.


	2. Flying

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

I opened my eyes to the light of the sun coming up. Yet I was still on the plane. "Ugh," I sighed "are we ever going to get off this plane?"

I sat there staring at the window that was partially covered by Noah's head. I looked at my necklace/watch to see what time it was. 6:34 in the damn morning.

I looked for my bag and it was under my feet. I got out my laptop and turned it on. I typed in my password and it started up.

I decided to get on Mandy and I's AIM and see if anyone was even online. Surprisingly, 12 people messaged me the second I signed on. I simply typed back to all of them, saying hi and I couldn't talk right now. I signed off immediately following. I don't know why I even bother signing on.

I decided to check my email, which I hardly _ever _do. I was checking my personal email. Even "TrainReq" couldn't figure this one out.

My closest friends- or previous friends- are the only ones who have this email. It doesn't generate to my computer, because I made it at some hotel in Canada when I was 11. Yet I still use it.

I had 2 new emails- one from Catherine, my friend from 7th grade- sent 4 months ago- and one from Nick Jonas- sent 1 week ago.

I knew this was just my imagination, taking shots at screwing around with my mind. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I slowly opened them back up, expecting for the email to have completely disappeared, proving it was just a spark of my imagination. It was still there.

I put the cursor over the email and clicked it. It opened, and began to read the long but short email.

"Miley, you need to stop." The first line read. "You've been telling all of these people I'm a horrible person, a controlling tool, a liar, backstabber, etc. Demi overheard you at your birthday party telling several people why my brothers and I weren't invited to your birthday party."

"Because we hurt you, betrayed you and started hanging with people who absolutely hate you. I'm sorry if that's how you feel, but it doesn't give you any right to go around trashing us. I know, we've said some shit about each other, but I never crossed the line and said you were a horrible person."

"You opened up to Seventeen magazine and told everyone our personal relationship. What ever happened to the promise we made to each other a while back? That we wouldn't open up about the relationship and our personal life?"

"I know, I broke promises too, but I didn't go and tell the world everything you told me not to tell people. I no longer hate you, but I no longer love you either. – Nick" The email was finished and my heart was even more broken now then before.

I couldn't cry in hysterics like usual, not only the fact I was on a plane with 100 other people, but Noah _hated _to see me upset. I was like her role model, all though I'm just her sister. Her imperfect sister.

I just let tears slowly pour out of my eyes. Quietly, I sobbed to myself. This was Nick's intention? To break my heart _again? _What a dip shit. I hate him! I hate him! Oh who am I kidding, I love him.

At times like this, I wish I hadn't picked off my nail polish. Then I'd have something to do right now besides crying.

Surprisingly, I haven't woken anyone up _yet_. What have I done to hurt Nick? Nothing. What has he done to hurt me? Everything. I remember the time I stayed up for 3 days straight because I was attempting to find out why he broke up with me.

I've figured it out now. He met Selena Gomez. What does she have that I don't? The slut look? A fake ass voice? A screaming best friend? Tight shirts? Over-worn make-up? No talent? A fake purity ring? Anorexia?

I shut off my computer and put it back in the bag. I leaned my head back and slowly fell asleep, wiping my tears to make sure there was no evidence of my crying.

-

Mom tapped my shoulder as my eyes slowly opened. "We're in Los Angeles, Miley." Mom said. I smiled as I realized we had landed and I could go home. I grabbed my bag and got out of my seat, "Thank God." I sighed. Brandi woke up Noah and she huffed. "What's wrong?" I asked.

"It's morning!" She said crossing her arms.

"And?" I asked confused.

"I didn't get to have Roadie wake me up." Noah pouted.

I laughed a slight bit and put my hand on her shoulder. "You'll be okay." I smiled picking her up.

"Can I go back to sleep and you wake me up when Roadie is here?" She asked putting her head on my shoulder.

"Sure." I said kissing her forehead and walking out of the row.

I walked down the isle with a 60 pound weight on my left side and a 10 pound bag in my right hand. You can imagine the agony.

I walked off the plane and into the terminal. As usual, the gay paparazzi were following me. It's like they stalk my every move.

I knew fame came with consequences, lies, fakers, paparazzi… but you know, I look at it as building me up. Even though the world can be a bitch, I'm blessed.

"Mommy," I said turning to mom "when was your first heartbreak?"

She gave me an interesting look. "What do you mean sweet pea?" She asked.

"When was the first time your heart was broken, multiple times by the same guy?" I asked.

"Well," mom stared, "I was in 10th grade, like you and I was dating this one boy, Chad Griffin, he cheated on me, but I couldn't let him go. I stayed with him, then he broke up with me and then, he dated and later on married my ex best friend. Of course, they filed for divorce 3 months after the wedding."

"Richard much?" I whispered.

"That's when I learned I shouldn't give everything for a guy. I learned that men aren't everything, Miley. And no matter how much you loved… or love Nick," She said his name in a whisper, "he shouldn't bring you to the point where you're physically sick. When you meet the right guy, you'll know." Mom said.

"How'd you know mommy?" I asked with a deep sigh.

"I know my child, Miley." She giggled.

"Shut up Miley," Noah mumbled in her sleep. I laughed.

"So sweet of her." Brandi laughed.

As we walked out of the air port doors, dad and Braison were suppose to be there, but of course, no. I got out my phone and dialed Braison's number.

It rang and rang and rang until… "What?!" A loud groggy voice yelled into the phone.

"Hello Braison." I said in a weird voice. "This is your worst nightmare calling."

"Hiya Miles." Braison said chipperly.

"You're a tool. Where are you?" I asked.

"Eh," Braison started "Gate D, plane to Ethiopia."

"What the pancake?" I asked.

"I'm just kidding, eh, we are in the parking lot." He said.

"Which one ding bat?" I asked.

"C." He said.

"I see that one. Thanks." I said hanging up. "C." I told mom. She nodded and we walked down to parking lot C.

I saw Braison waving a, it looked like a towel but I couldn't figure it out. As we got closer, I realized it was a shirt. "What's wrong with you?" I asked grabbing the shirt. "Hey!" I said noticing what the shirt was. "This is _my _shirt!" I said putting it in my bag.

"You left it in my room when you went on your rant." He said.

"Take Noie please." I said. He nodded and took her from me.

Brandi and I got into the back seat and I smiled at dad. Braison put Noah in the seat in front of me, buckled her and he sat down next to her. Mom got into the front seat and kissed dad.

Before, when I wasn't with Nick, I'd look at mom and dad and think, "Wow, one day I'll have that with Nick." Now all I think is "Wow, the only display of true love I'm exposed to."

I leaned my head against the window as we drove out of the parking lot. The sun was bright in California, but it dimmed. I put on my aviator sunglasses and watched the cars.

I really like to escape by watching cars. They move so fast- like life. Then they come to a complete stop- again, like life. Life is like a car, it eventually stops moving, then starts up again.

"You kids hungry?" Dad asked.

"Yeah." Brandi and I said in union.

"If they are, sure." Braison agreed.

"Braison honey, you're always hungry. Denny's?" Mom asked.

"Sure!" I said with excitement in my voice.

"You know she loves her Denny's…" Brandi laughed.

"I do." I smiled.

"Are we home yet?" Noah asked.

"No sweetie, we're gonna get some breakfast. Okay sweet pea?" Mom said to Noah.

"Ok mommy." She said.

Dad pulled into the parking lot and parked. We got out and walked inside.

We got seated and sat at the big booth. I loved those.

"It always smells so good here." I said sniffing the air.

"It does, doesn't it?" Noah said.

I nodded and turned my head, only to see someone totally unexpected. "Oh my God…" I mumbled. "What?" Brandi asked in a whisper. "I need the bathroom, can you take me Brandi?" I asked. "Sure." She said getting up and following me into the bathroom. "What is it?" She asked.

"He's here." I said in shock. "Who's he?" Brandi asked confused. "_He _is." I said again. "Who is he?" She asked getting impatient. "Nicholas Jonas." I said still in shock.


	3. Denny's

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

Brandi's mouth dropped. "What?" She asked in awe.

"Mhm…" I said biting my lip. "I… fucking… hate… Denny's."

Brandi laughed. "Well we have to go back out there."

"No we don't!" I said swiftly, crossing my arms.

"Yeah we do baby sis." Brandi sighed grabbing my hand.

"Ugh, fine! But I'm eating your damn cherry off your kiddy plate!" I stated in frustration.

"That's IHOP." She laughed as we walked out of the door. I slid back into the booth as Brandi followed.

"Where'd y'all go?" Daddy asked.

"Ladies room, dad." Brandi said.

"I ordered for you." Mom said to us.

"Pancakes and bacon?" Brandi asked.

"You know it. And Miley, waffles and bacon okay?" Mom asked me.

"Perfect." I yawned.

"Braison, I challenge you to a game of stares." I said randomly.

"You're on." Braison said shrugging his shoulders.

"Daddy be the ref." I said.

"Okay." Dad said.

"On your mark, get set, stare!" he said using a napkin as a flag.

Once again I was staring into the same blue eyes I stare at most likely everyday in the mirror. The eyes that hide the true feelings I feel, the true depression.

I made funny noises, clapping my hands in front of Braison's face, causing him to blink.

"You're out, son." Daddy said.

"No dad, 3 strikes you're out." I said, continuing to attack Braison with my hands.

He wasn't one to play with strategy. Others call it cheating, but I call it strategy. Hey, how do you think George Bush got into the white house? You actually think America liked him?

"Miley stop! Stop cheating!" Noah said.

"Strategy, baby sister." I laughed.

"Strategy my as- batutey." Brandi said, catching momma's glare.

"Fine, you asked for it Braison." I said slowly clearing my throat.

"I'm not sorry, for breaking all the promises I just didn't want to keep." I sang in a gay voice.

Braison started cracking up.

"Hey there." A quiet, smooth voice said, interrupting the game I was clearly winning.

I turned my head and saw a curly haired boy standing there.

"Nicky!" Noah smiled lighting up.

"Hi Nick." Mom and dad said.

"Hey dude." Braison nodded.

"Hiya." Brandi said quietly.

I stayed quiet. I didn't plan on talking to the guy who broke my heart and didn't even give me an explanation for why he broke up with me and why he never kept in touch after we were "so close".

"Hey Miley." He said slowly.

I just looked at him with a blank stare. "Um, hi?" I finally spat out.

"How have you guys been?" Nick asked.

"Peachy." I said bitterly.

"Hey Miley, can I talk to you?" Nick asked.

"Start talking." I said.

"Privately?" He asked.

I sighed and got up. "Be right back…" I said walking away with Nick.

"What do you want from me?" I asked leaning against a wall.

"I want you to forgive me. For everything." He said.

"It's not that easy, but you're forgiven. I forgave you before you even said sorry. Because I loved you. But I forgave you and now I'll forget you." I said starting to walk away.

A hand grabbed my arm.

"Miley… I know you have a boyfriend now and all but-" I cut him off.

"I never was dating Justin. We tried it, it didn't work out. That's that. I couldn't seem to get over you, which caused everything to awkward. So we broke it off." I said honestly. "We're still friends."

"As I was saying, I have a girlfriend now as well as you _had _a boyfriend, but that doesn't mean we can't still be friends right?" He asked.

"It's been a year, I've reached out, I've kept in touch and I've stayed up starring at the phone waiting for you to call. No response. A year Nick and now you're coming back asking to be friends?" I asked shocked at how foolish he sounded.

He took a light gasp, stunned by the fact that I wasn't falling into his arms crying and thanking him for "coming back".

"I'm stronger then you think Nick." I said crossing my arms.

"You sure of that, Cyrus?" He asked in a fake ass serious tone.

"I'm sure of it Jonas." I said stepping up to him.

"I'm so scared." He said sarcastically stepping closer to me.

"Back it up, wouldn't wanna step on someone's heart again." I said backing up a step.

"Selena is never this stubborn. I'm glad I'm with her. Yet, you two are both sickly gorgeous." Nick said with a laugh, going to walk off.

I grabbed his collar. "Don't you ever fucking compare me to that slut again. You hear me? Good. And by the way you ass, I'm not a trophy. You didn't score me, you were lucky enough to have me be stupid enough to fall in love with you." I said pushing him away and walking off.

Crash and burn Jonas, crash and burn. Let the war begin.

-

**Sorry it took so long to update! I've been very busy with school work, I've just been so pushed away. I'm back now! (:**


	4. His Death

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

My eyes shot open. I hate this, ever since rumors that Nick was in the hospital were spreading around, I kept dreaming about him.

Making up weird stories in my head. Today, it was I was in an airport and went to Denny's.

He was there, being snooty. Yesterday I dreamt that I went to the mall and he tripped me.

I feel too scared to call, I feel like someone will yell at me, a brother, or even him. Maybe Selena.

Oh shut up Miley! I grabbed my remote and groggily pulled myself up from under the covers. I turned on the TV, which was like always, set to E!.

"Breaking news," a woman said, "rumors are spreading that Nick Jonas of the beloved Jonas Brothers is in a diabetic coma. Sources close to the Jonas family quote 'We tried to keep this from the media, but we knew too many of his dear fans would be worried.'"

I stopped breathing, dropping the remote not to mention my jaw.

"Mommy!" I screamed in tears. In seconds, she was running into my room.

"What's wrong?" She asked worried.

"Nick, there's a rumor, I don't know if it's true, oh my Lord, mom they say he's in a diabetic coma." I said franticly, grasping my pillow tightly.

"Did you call them?" Mom asked.

"No," I said slowly.

"Did you even think about calling them when the rumor about Nick being in the hospital spread?" Mom asked.

"Yes," I said, "I was afraid of calling. Last time I tried to call them in general, Kevin yelled at me, telling me to leave them alone and I was no longer Nick's or their family's friend- let alone family." I said sniffling.

"I know you're scared, baby girl, but you won't get over the fear if you don't face it. You love Nick, don't wait so long that your time is gone, you're chance has slipped away." Mom said handing me my phone. "Call the Jonases, Miley."

She got up and walked out. With my fingers shaking, I dialed Joe's number.

It rang for about 6 times until a scratchy voice came on to the phone. "Hello?" Joe asked.

"Hi." I said petrified.

"Miley?" He asked, his tone getting rough.

"Yeah, it's me…" I said clutching my pillow.

"Nick's fine, you don't have to worry. Remember? You aren't a part of this family anymore, so even if Nick wasn't okay it's not your place to worry." The phone went silent. I heard the dial tone.

I threw my phone at the chair and started bawling.

I remember when we used to be so close, now he is telling me I'm not family.

I grabbed the phone I just threw and went out my back door.

I didn't know where I was going, but I had to get away.

I ran down the sidewalk, it felt endless. I was running so fast, I felt weightless.

I collapsed, I felt helpless. The rest was just black, I was out of it.

-

I slowly opened my eyes, which were now set on a hospital room.

"Mommy?" I asked turning my head. I didn't see her, but I heard a small voice.

"She went to the cafeteria to get coffee." The voice said.

I turned my head again and saw Kevin Jonas sitting in a chair.

"W-what are you doing here…" I said sitting up.

"I saw your mom in the waiting room and she asked me to come in here, keep an eye on you, she needed to get some coffee, clear her mind." He said.

"Why are you here anyway?" I asked.

"N-N-Nick," Kevin stuttered.

"So the rumors are true…" I said quietly.

"Yeah," He said.

"Why aren't you with him?" I asked.

"Look, will you stop asking questions?" Kevin snapped.

"Sorry," I said turning the other way.

"I'm sorry, okay?" Kevin sighed. "I'm not in the mood."

Complete silence.

"I need to know something," I said breaking it, then pausing in fear, "why? Why do you and your family hate me so much?"

Kevin rolled his eyes and got up. "I'm going to go get your mom." He said shaking his head, then walking out.

I was left alone, my question not answered, doubt it ever will.

-

It's been two weeks since I saw Kevin and I'm still haunted.

We were in the car on our way to a funeral.

I kept sniffling because I couldn't breath out of my nose at all from crying so much.

I was playing with my phone when we pulled into the church.

"Miles, are you ready?" Mom asked.

I sighed and nodded my head, putting away my phone.

I opened the door from the back seat and was, as always, on display.

I was being swarmed by paparazzi, who were asking me if I was crying.

I kept nodding say no, but they continued questioning me.

I had on my huge sunglass to hide my face, so people would start rumors if I had just one tear.

I ran my hand through my straightened hair in stress.

I hated when I had to do something personal and these stalkers followed me.

The only thing I hate about being a celebrity is being attacked by paparazzi.

We got to the church doors and walked in.

As I walked in, one of the paparazzi yelled out, "I'm sorry for your loss Miley!"

"Thank you." I said turning around.

Mom put her arm around me and dad held my hand.

Noah was behind me, with Braison and Trace and Brandi was behind them.

"He was so young mommy." I said biting my lip.

"I know baby girl, I know." She said sitting down, me following.

Everyone slid in to the isle and sat down.

I looked around, then realized I was the only one crying.

His family was being so strong, they weren't shedding a tear.

His mom looked like she had been crying for days.

I'm sure I do too.

When I found out, I cried so bad that I still have a migraine.

My cheeks were still stained from crying the past 3 nights.

I'm surprised I haven't run out of tears.

I fiddled around with a bracelet on my wrist and then a man started talking.

"We're gathered here today to celebrate the life of and put to rest Nicholas Jerry Jonas." He said.


	5. Unbelievable

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

I laid in my bed, staring at the ceiling. This is the way it has been for the last three days.

He's gone, forever. Yes, he's in Heaven now, but he was only 16. He had so much life to live.

And I was there to live it with him, but he was oblivious to that.

I regret the fact I didn't tell him I still missed and loved him, but I blew it. He'll never know the truth.

He's watching over me now, if he even cares enough. I still can't believe he's gone.

He loved life and everyone who crossed his path. Somewhere, deep down I know he still loved me.

I felt tears forming in my eyes just thinking about Nick.

I turned over and shut my eyes for about a minute and then slowly opened them again.

I saw figure sitting in my chair. It appeared to be my shadow. But I knew it wasn't.

It got clearer. It was a guy. I looked closer. He was young. I thought harder. It was Nick.

He waved. I turned over and cried softly into my pillow. I hate the fact that now I'm imagining him too.

I turned back over, he was still there. He started to become solid, like he was really there.

"Hey." I said idiotically in a whisper.

"Hi there." He said in a quiet, gentle tone.

I covered my mouth in shock.

"Was this whole death thing just pushing at me? Was everyone lying to me?" I asked.

"No, I'm really dead. But I was given something up there," Nick said pointing to the ceiling, "I was given a choice. I got to pick absolutely anyone on Earth, anyone, to be visible to."

I became silent. "You picked me?" I asked.

"Yes, because I was told how you were handling this. What you were thinking." He said.

"You knew what I was thinking?" I asked confused.

"Not exactly. I knew what you were thinking about _doing_." Nick said quietly.

I once again became silent. I looked down. "Am I in trouble?" I asked looking up petrified.

"No." He said softly.

"Why didn't you ever talk to me when you were here?" I asked quietly.

"I was afraid." He said slowly. "I knew I hurt you. I knew you hated me."

"Nick I couldn't hate you even if I tried." I sighed.

"I know that now. When I was here, here with you, I never had the chance to say sorry." he said.

"Why didn't you pick a family member? Your girlfriend?" I asked confused.

"I picked the most important one," he said pausing, "you. I never stopped caring for, loving you Miley."

"What happened to Selena?" I asked.

"She told me she only dated me for publicity." He said.

"Are you a ghost Nick?" I asked.

"Not exactly. You see, I'm solid, I'm here. But my hearts not beating, if you touched me, you couldn't feel me, I couldn't feel you." Nick said.

"Ok this is crazy." I said shaking my head in disbelief.

"It is isn't it?" Nick laughed.

"I missed your laugh." I said smiling slightly.

"No half smile, because I missed your smile. It kept me sane. So smile." Nick said.

I smiled, not because he told me to, because that was probably the sweetest thing he's ever said to me.

"Thank you." He said getting up and walking over to me, then sitting on my bed.

"How come you can do that?" I asked.

"I don't know. I want to feel things, but I guess that wasn't part of the deal." Nick said.

"I wanna be with you forever. I don't want you to go." I said.

"I'll have to go eventually." He said.

"I'm not leaving my room for a few days. I took everything off. I was so depressed. I never even thought I'd ever get to see you again." I said.

"I know." He said softly.

"I can't believe you're right in front of me. Even though you're so untouchable." I said.

"If I tried to touch you, what would happen?" I asked.

Nick stuck out his hand. "Try it." He said.

I reached out slowly, my hand went right through. "Oh my God." I said in awe.

"I didn't feel that." Nick said.

"If I tried to hug you, what would happen?" I asked.

"Try it." He said opening his arms.

I went to hug him, but I got pushed over and fell to the ground.

"But why?" I asked getting up.

"You just can't, but I miss you too Miley." He said.

"I just wanna feel you again. That's not possible is it?" I asked.

"It is, but only if you die. And that's not happening." He said.

"I miss you." I sighed.

"I'm right here." He said.

"How come your family hates me? I never did anything to them." I asked.

"They thought I was in pain, that you did it. They were all concerned on behalf of both of us." He said.

"Did you not tell them," I said crossing my legs, "that you broke up with me?"

"I tried. They wouldn't listen." He said.

"Nick I don't want you to go." I said.

"I'm not going anywhere." He said, putting his hand on my shoulder, only for it to fall right through.

I sighed as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Don't cry Smiles." Nick said.

"I just wish I could hug you again." I sniffled.

"Miley, earlier today, you were wishing you could see me again, talk to me and now you are. Is that not enough of blessing as it is?" Nick asked.

"I wished I could see you again and it came true. If I wish I could hug you, it could too." I said.

"No it can't. When the time comes and it's your time to die, I'm gonna meet you there. And I'm gonna hug you. Hell, I'll kiss you too. Isn't me being here in general enough for right now?" He asked.

"I guess… Whoa, whoa, whoa back it up bucko. Kiss me?" I asked shocked.

Nick laughed. "Yeah, Miley. Kiss you." He laughed.

I smiled lightly, my cheeks bright red.

"You were always easy to blush. At the slightest things." Nick laughed.

"Why can't you stay forever?" I asked.

"Focus on the moment, Miley. Focus." Nick said.

I'm talking to my best friend again.


	6. Footsteps

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

I opened my eyes and saw Nick staring at me.

"Hi." He said.

I waved and rubbed my eyes.

He just continued staring at me, as if I was a diamond.

"Do I have something on my face or something?" I asked.

"No." He said blankly.

"Then why are you staring at me?" I asked.

"Because I can." Nick laughed.

"Oh, you sly little bastard." I said jokingly.

He ran his fingers through his hair and sat back.

"You can touch yourself?" I asked.

"Yeah, I can." He said.

"How come?" I asked curiously.

"Look Miley, I don't know how this stuff works. I've been up there for like, 5 days. I'm not familiar with everything and everything I can do." He said.

"Ok sorry." I said scootching over a little.

This is how it was before. If he'd get upset when we were close and I'd back away.

He's not really close anymore. He's there, his figure, his body, his un-beating heart.

Even if I'll be talking to him, it's like he's not here. It's just like communicating with someone through a webcam.

They talk, they move, they answer, but they're untouchable.

"I'm sorry Smiles." Nick sighed. "I just get so agitated, everything's so different. Heaven, it isn't how everyone says it is, the best place beyond Earth, paradise. If was the best place, you'd be there with ones you love, the ones who mean the world, even Heaven, to you."

"I'm sorry." I said even though my mouth was out of words.

"You don't need to apologize." Nick said. "You didn't kill me with a diabetic coma."

"You look different." I said changing the subject quickly.

"You get changed up there. You get changed into what is supposedly considered perfect, flawless." Nick said.

"You shouldn't look different then." I said.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You were perfect before. The perfect boyfriend to me, the perfect son to your parents, the perfect role model to your fans. Not to mention the perfect brother to your brothers." I said.

"I wasn't perfect Miley and I'm not now. You seriously can't think that, can you?" He asked me.

"No, I don't think it." I paused. "I know it."

-

"Look whose up!" Mom smiled sweetly as I walked down the stairs.

"Hi mommy." I said groggily.

"How you feeling, sweetie?" She asked.

I looked stiff, not only in my body, but in my emotions.

"Not better?" She asked.

I shook my head swiftly and headed towards the kitchen, she followed me.

I tried not to act like I was magically better, which was easy since Nick had a spazz out earlier that kind of hurt my feelings.

I grabbed the fridge door handle and pulled on it. As always, it didn't open.

Mom laughed and opened it for me.

"It's not funny!" I insisted.

I grabbed the carton of orange juice and also a glass from the cabinet.

"You want to shut it too, mom?" I asked sarcastically, shutting the door while balancing a cup and a carton of OJ.

"Your sarcasm has yet to amuse me." A voice said from behind me, Brandi.

I just looked at her blankly and poured my beverage. As I took a sip of my drink, I turned and walked back upstairs, hearing Brandi mutter to mom, asking her if I was getting over Nick's death yet.

Oh Brandi, if you only knew. I smiled lightly as I walked back into my room, shutting the door and locking it behind me.

"Hey Miley." Nick said as he watched TV.

"Hi Nick." I yawned. "I miss you holding me when you watched TV." I pouted.

Nick shot me a glare and I sighed.

"Dammit Nick!" I murmured under my breath.

"What?" He asked trying to hide his amusement.

"Nothing." I said quickly, noticing he was catching on.

"What did I say earlier, Miley?" He questioned.

"I get it! I should feel lucky you're here right now." I said with a sigh in defeat.

"Miles who are you talking to up there?" Mom asked from down the stairs.

"I was watching TV, mom. You know how I protest with it." I lied.

"Alright Miley Ray." She hardly said.

I still couldn't figure out how she heard me, she had to have been upstairs, or coming up the stairs.

I put my now empty glass on the side table and plopped down onto my bed.

Nick was at the foot of my bed lying down.

"Miley, I gotta go to Target, do you need anything?" Mom asked poking her head through the door.

I got up. "Can I come?" I asked sweetly.

"Sure baby doll just be ready in ten minutes." She said disappearing.

Nick didn't say anything so I just dragged my feet along and went into my closet.

I grabbed the closest pair of sweatpants near me and a shirt that matched.

I slipped out of my pajamas and put on my outfit.

I slung my hair back into a messy ponytail and slid my feet into a pair of flip flops.

I walked out of my closet slash other room and into my bedroom.

"Hello Nick." I said to Nick, my back turned to him.

No answer, I could feel his eyes piercing into my back and turned around.

"You know," I paused, "you don't have to be so bitter Nick. Maybe you should have picked someone who you actually like to be visible instead of your ex girlfriend you hate so much."

I stomped back to my closet and slammed the door.

Whoever said that makes you feel better lied.

I put on some eye liner and lip gloss in the mirror and slowly walked back out.

"Goodbye Nick." I said walking out of the bedroom door.

"Bye Miley." I heard him say as I shut the door.

I walked down the stairs slowly. Just incase one of Noah's Barbie's were around causing me to fall.

"Mommy which car?" I asked.

"Morano." Mom said.

"Okay." I said walking outside. I waved at the 4 security guards and got in the car.

Mom wasn't out yet, so I thought I'd take advantage of that. I grabbed my key to the car and unlocked the driver's side. I sat down and started the car, happy I could finally drive.

Mom walked out of the house, gave me a stare and willingly got in the passenger's seat.

We drove about 15 minutes to Target, the paparazzi slowly starting to build up.

When we got into the Target parking lot, I parked in the first space I saw, eager to get inside the store.

Paparazzi never follow us into stores without getting kicked out by the manager.

I took out the key to the car and unlocked the doors. I waited for mom to get out and then I got out also, locking the door behind me.

Questions flying about how I was dealing with the death of Nick, if I was depressed, did I miss him. The questions continued with my dead on silent answers.

We got into the store and I took a deep breath, as I turned around flashing a peace sign and a plastered on smile as the paparazzi lurked outside.

"What do we need to get, mom?" I asked.

"The basics, but if you still need to get some gifts for anyone for the holidays, you can go get them. I'm sure you'll find whatever you need here." She replied with a hardly visible smile, her laugh lines hardly moving from their previous position.

I had completely forgotten my favorite season- my favorite holiday- my favorite gathering- Christmas.

I had been so caught up in Nick being in the coma, his death, him coming back that I forgot about it all.

"Miley, your brother will be coming home tomorrow and I need to get him some stuff. Can I give you this list and you get what I need for everyone else?" Mom asked.

"Sure." I said, taking the list she was holding out.

"Meet me back here by the carts." She said taking two carts from the row, one for her one for me.

"Okay mom." I said pushing the cart away.

I looked at the pretty long list and began to read. Luckily my mother was very type A and listed everything in a category, like toothpaste with mouthwash, tomatoes with potatoes and so on.

First on the list were the cereals. Cheerios, Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms and Frosted Flakes.

I made my way to isle 10, which contained cereals. I found the stuff she was looking for and looked back down at the list. Lunchmeat.

I turned the cart around to head to the cold items when I hear footsteps. I turned around and nobody was behind me.

I turned the corner just to be cautious and into the other isle. The footsteps got louder.

My speed became faster.

"Hello pretty girl." A male voice said.

My heart that was racing now came to a stop. I reached into my purse and held my hand secure on the pepper spray and turned round.

Nick's eyes were staring into mine. My heart started beating again.

I released of the pepper spray and rolled my eyes.

"You could have killed me, you know." I murmured, so quietly, not even someone next to me could hear it.

"You know you enjoy the adrenalin rush." He laughed so innocently.

"What do you suffer from? Bipolar disorder? Schizophrenia?" I asked, in barely a whisper, not a drop of sarcasm in my voice.

He laughed loudly, only because I was the only who could hear and see him.

"Stop flattering yourself." I muttered, louder this time. It was now sounding like I was talking to myself.

I continued down the isle and turned the corner, seeing my mother.

"Mom," I called out, "can you finish this? It's getting stressful and I don't want to be around the store by myself."

"Sure sweetheart." She smiled walking over to me.

"Thanks mom." I said pushing the cart next to her.

I turned behind me and gave Nick a nasty glare, then turned back around.


	7. Flashbacks

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

Later that night I couldn't sleep. I was tossing and turning for a while. I turned In early tonight, around 8. Though I couldn't sleep. It was about 12:30 AM when I heard my door squeak.

I peeked up from under my blanket. "Miley?" A voice asked quietly. "Are you awake?"

I groaned. Apparently that was a good enough answer. Trace came over to the side of my bed and pushed the hair out of my face, making sure I wasn't just talking in my sleep.

He looked at me, studying my face, knowing something was different. He finally stared into my eyes and worry crossed his face.

"Why have you been crying, Miley?" He asked. I sighed and rolled over.

My eyes were interesting. When I cried, the middle of my eyes (which were usually green) turned grey. And people knew when I had been crying.

"Nick?" He asked, sitting on my bed.

I shook my head and buried myself under the covers.

"I'm really sorry about Nick, Miley. I know how much you," he hesitated as he spoke the next words "loved him."

I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I stuck my hand out from underneath the cover and motioned for Trace to leave.

"Well, night Miles." Trace said getting up and leaving my not that well lit room.

I sighed and looked at the clock. 12:42 AM, Christmas morning.

-

I finally decided to do something with my life. I haven't left my room in a while; food has been brought to me.

Everything feels like it's been erased from my memory- everything good in that matter.

I really only remember the painful stuff, like the break-ups, the fights, the tears…

I sat down in my big chair, and started to stare at random objects in my room. I decided to look at the clock.

I had to look twice when I saw the date, but after a fifth time of looking, I knew it was true.

It was February the 12th. I was completely shocked. I'd been oblivious and too isolated to realize I have been away from my job for two months.

You'd think I'd miss it. I didn't. I miss something though, something that only visited me, well haunted me for only a weekend. Nick's solid ghost.

I shook my head, hoping and praying I could shake it all away.

Didn't help.

I grabbed my notebook and decided to kill these memories. I liked to kill unwanted memories with a song. A song to let go- a final goodbye.

After an hour, I gave up. I threw the book at the wall, causing it to miss, of course.

I let my head fall back. I was going to go through each memory, one by one, best to worse.

"_Dad, who are these people, I mean seriously? Why were they so eager to meet me?" I asked as dad and I walked through the sliding glass doors of the hotel._

"_Well, not all three of the Jonas boys were so eager. Just one, the youngest, Nick." Dad answered._

_I froze in place. "N-Nick J-Jonas wants to m-meet m-m-me?" I stuttered._

_Dad took my hand, obviously trying to guide me through the hotel._

"_Yes, darling, he does. Now do I have to teach you how to walk again? Left foot in front of right, over and over." Dad laughed._

"_No, I have it down." I said taking back my hand. _

_We made our way to the third floor restaurant where we were suppose to meet the Jonases. _

"_Cyrus." Dad told the hostess. She then guided us to a long booth which was empty._

_Dad and I sat down and waited, and waited, and waited, and waited, telling the waitress to hold off 5 minutes about 30 times._

_I turned my head and saw three flustered boys come into the restaurant. These must be them._

_I studied each one of their faces carefully as they made their way to our table._

"_Hi." The middle one said, extending his hand to me. "I'm Joe and these are Kevin and Nick." When he pointed to Nick, I think I stopped breathing. _

_TV and record covers didn't do him justice… at all. _

"_Sorry we're late; Nick over there couldn't decide what to wear." Kevin said._

_Nick turned red at Kevin's words. _

"_Now that's alright, boys. Sit down and join the party!" Dad said welcoming them._

_Not trying to match Nick, I turned red. My father was a dork._

_I was afraid who was going to sit next to me and I don't blame myself._

_Nick scooted in right next to me, Joe and Kevin scooting in next to dad._

"_Hey." Nick said sweetly, turning to me. His normal color had returned. Mine had yet to find my face._

"_H-h-hello." I said. The word sounding stuck in the back of my throat._

That was one of the best days of my life, meeting Nick and his brothers.

"_Good afternoon, Mrs. Cyrus." He smiled politely, obviously a little uncomfortable._

"_Oh, please honey, call me Tish." Mom said sweetly._

"_Does she do this to all your um," Nick hesitated to find the words as he was whispering to me, "dates?" _

_I laughed slightly. "You're kind of my first…" I said, embarrassed. _

_Nick read the embarrassment straight from my face and tried to reassure me._

"_No worries," he smiled, "you're mine too."_

I smiled thinking of that sweet moment. First love slowly, yet steadily, blooming into what it _should _be.

_I walked along the pavement that made the way to the backstage door. I showed the guard my pass and walked in the door._

_Nick had his back pressed against the wall, he was waiting for me._

"_Hey there." He smiled._

"_Hi." I smiled back._

_He kissed my cheek, which was regular routine these days. We never went farther than that and I was too chicken to protest._

"_Question." He said, putting down his jacket in a chair near his dressing room. _

"_Okay." I said sweetly._

"_Now I don't want you to freak out and like beat me up at this one, but um," he paused, "will you um," pause, "be my," hesitant to finish, "girlfriend?" _

_I smiled a happy, yet stunned smile. "Yeah, of course!" I smiled, so widely my cheeks hurt._

_He took a relived breath._

The memories were flooding me now, painful and rejoicing ones rushing through me.

"_Miley, can you come over to my house? I need to talk to you." Nick said into the phone._

"_Alright." I said, hanging up. "Mom, I'm going over to Nick's. Be back later!" I said as I walked out the door. _

_I walked a few houses down to get Nick's house. Conveniently, he and his family moved in a few houses down when they were looking for a house. I reminded Nick there was a house for sale down the road._

_I typed in a code at their gate and the gates opened. Nick was waiting for me there._

"_Hi!" I waved. _

_He smiled as I walked over to him. This was weird, no kiss on the cheek._

"_Now," he started off, "this whole time I've been waiting for you to ask, but now I figure you never will. So I'm just going to be a tad bit pushy."_

_I gave him a very confused look._

_He began to come closer to me, slowly. I started to figure out what was going on._

_He stopped when he came probably just an inch away from me._

"_May I?" He asked._

"_Such a gentleman." I said sarcastically._

_He laughed and then kissed me. I swear my heart literally skipped a beat._

I smiled at this memory, probably the biggest smile I've smiled for a while.

I heard a knock on my door which caused me to blank out. No more memories flooding me.

"Who is it?" I asked bitterly.

"It's um, Joe." He said.

This isn't happening.


	8. Caroline

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

Without me answering, the door opened. "Hello…" Joe said, trying to smile, but failing.

"What do you want from me, Joe?" I growled.

"You look terrible…" he said.

I rolled my eyes. "If you want an 'I'm sorry for your loss' just say it." I said bitterly.

"Actually I'm getting over it pretty well." He admitted.

"That makes one of us." I said with no emotion in my voice.

"I know how much my brother meant to you Miley. You might not know this, but you meant the world to him. Even when you were broken up, when he was dating Selena… you _were _his life Miley." Joe said.

I had heard this story once before. That one weekend…

I rolled my eyes in disbelief. "Lies…" I muttered.

"He always thought you didn't want him back. He thought you moved on… he didn't know." Joe said quietly.

These words shocked me. I never would have thought Nick would have left out any details.

"Okay, fine. What do _you _want from me, Joseph?" I asked coldly.

"I wanted to say, I'm sorry." He said taking a deep breath. "I never should have treated you the way I did. Nick didn't want me to, Kev agreed with me, we thought- we thought you weren't good for Nick. We thought you were too clingy. We didn't want you in his life."

I felt my heart sink. What a cold hearted man Joe was.

"But, we, as in Kevin and I, realized these past few months that Nick's death has really taken a swing at you more than anyone. And we feel so guilty. For everything. We never knew, Miley, we never knew how… how in love you were with Nick. And I am so sorry, so sorry." Joe said wholehearted.

I put my head in my hand, overwhelmed.

"I have a question." Joe said. "What happened to Miley? Last time I checked, she was a positive person. She _never _let anything or anyone get her down. Positive thoughts always hovering over her throughout every situation. Where is she now?" he asked.

"Gone." I said with my head still in my hand.

He put his hand on my knee. "Miley, stop it. You're scarring me. You look like you've seen a ghost." He said concerned.

_I'm not exactly a ghost, Miley _his words echoed in my head as if he was screaming off the top of the Grand Canyon.

"Well I haven't so you don't need to be concerned." I said, an honest tone in my voice.

I started feeling dizzy, as if I were going to faint. I felt the color wash from my face and my hand drop.

"Miley, Miley are you okay?" Joe asked concerned.

"Yes." I said barely, almost gasping for air.

I then remembered, I haven't really eaten a balanced meal for a day or two.

I felt like I was trembling as I opened my eyes from their tight lock.

I saw him, no not Joe, his little brother, Nick, standing behind him.

He looked frozen, as if he hadn't died, just been placed in cement.

I screamed in a high pitched tone, hardly even a scream, more of a screech.

Joe pulled me from the chair into a hug, trying to shush me as I was trying to break away from his iron grip.

I don't know what triggered it, but I let the river of tears shed onto his shirt.

Why was I crying? I honestly didn't know.

"Shh, Miley, shh. It's okay." He repeated as he rubbed circles on my back.

"No it's not, Joe, no it's not!" I muffled into his shirt.

Joe held onto my shoulders and sat me up straight.

"Miley stop it. You have to let it go, you have to let _him_ go. You have to. Or you're going to be-" I cut him off.

"Be what Joe? A shattered mirror? The mirror has already shattered. I'm the broken glass. I'm the pain in the ass that you have to vacuum up afterwards. The pain in your foot when you step on me." I said, my voice hoarse.

Joe was silent as the tears still streamed from my eyes. I realized the problem. I couldn't bear to look at Joe. He brought back to many good- and bad memories. Mostly bad.

I didn't want to think about it, him, any of the Jonases. I wanted them to have never existed at this point.

"Can you go?" I whispered.

He sighed and nodded, getting up. "Take care of yourself." Were his last words as he walked out the door.

I looked up and Nick wasn't there anymore. I sighed and got out of the chair.

As I did, mom walked in. Luckily my tears had dried.

"I'm sorry to tell you this, honey, but your job needs you. They can't take anymore time off or they are going to have to cancel the show, Miley." Mom said.

"Fine. I'll go as I am, they'll change me anyway." I sighed.

"Okay honey, they need you in 20 minutes. Take a quick shower." Mom suggested.

"I took one last night, mom." I said.

"Okay honey, then come on, they said 20 minutes, but you know them. The sooner the better." She said.

I followed her out the door and down the stairs like a puppy.

I got into the passenger's seat, afraid if I drove I'd ram us into a tree purposely.

I hadn't been outside in so long, the sun almost blinded me.

We drove in silence to the studio. We got there in 15 minutes and I got out of the car before mom even put the break on.

I walked through the sliding glass doors and saw Emily standing there.

"Miley!" She exclaimed wrapping her arms around me.

"Emmy." I said returning the hug.

"I'm so sorry, Miley. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer and Tish said you were terrible so I didn't think it'd be right to visit and I tried emailing you and-"

"Emily." I laughed. "You shouldn't have been so worried, it was just… Nick."

She shook her head and put her arm around my shoulder as we walked.

"What is today's script?" I asked curiously.

"I don't remember the name, but it involves Cody and Mitch fighting or something because 'Jake' flirts with 'Joanie'." I laughed as she put quotation marks around their names.

"Miley!" Mitchel exclaimed, just the warm welcoming I'd been expecting.

He got up and wrapped his arms around me tightly, his hug felt awkward, like _he _was uncomfortable.

"We've missed you so much. Mason said that Trace said that you've been pretty beat up. I'm so sorry about Nick, Miley." He said as he still hugged me.

"You never got to beat him up for breaking my heart did you? That must have crushed your dreams." I said trying to lighten the mood as a broke out of the hug.

"I was the one to knock him in the coma." Mitch laughed.

"It was a diabetic one, stupid." Emily said flatly.

"Ha-ha…" I said uncomfortably. "Hey, enough about Nick. What have you guys been up to?"

"Oh you know same old same old…" Mitchel said glancing at Em, then the ceiling, then back at me.

"Do tell," I pushed, there was obviously something he wasn't telling me. But I felt like Emily knew all about it, as if she was a part of it.

"No seriously," he said swiftly, "I haven't done much at all. Just playing basketball at home, watching TV, pigging out at friends houses," he looked at Emily again quickly, then back at me.

That's when I realized. Emily was the "same old, same old."

I looked at Emily as she stood pressed against the wall.

"How's the love life, Mitch?" I asked.

"Steady." Emily answered for him quietly.

I quickly looked at her, trying to act surprised that I heard her answer.

"What?" I asked "shocked".

"Well Miley," Mitchel hesitated, "Emily and I have been hanging out a lot and, and, we're kind of going out."

"Oh my God that's great!" I exclaimed going to hug him, then Emily.

"Yeah, it is." Emily agreed, nodding.

"How long has this been going on?" I asked curiously.

"Since December." They said simultaneously.

They smiled at each other then looked back at me.

_New love and true love is always the sweetest, when it ends badly, painfully, a heart is always broken and a soul is always shattered, never fully fixed. _Nick's previous words echoed in my mind, off the Grand Canyon again.

"Emily, Miley, we need you in hair." Mom called.

Mitchel kissed Em's cheek and we walked off to the hair department.

"I hope this doesn't end badly." She said, breaking the silence.

I turned my head to look at her, but she was already faced another way. I realized we were at the door that had the sign that said, "**LADIES HAIR**".

We walked through the door and saw a new hair dresser there sitting, waiting for us.

Her flowing hair was beautiful. The curls were absolutely perfect, curled with perfection.

Her hair contoured her pretty face, which was flawless.

She had the most green eyes I'd ever seen, glowing, it seemed.

Her skin was an olive color, which looked unbelievably pretty with her screaming green eyes and curly red hair.

She stood up straightening out the shirt I hadn't even noticed. I was too lost in her face.

She wore an outrageous color purple long sleeved shirt.

She had on a grey high-waist pencil skirt, which was shorter by an inch or two at the bottom then most pencil skirts. She had obviously cut it.

"Hello Miley, hello Emily." She greeted us with ease, shaking each of our hands cause her arm full of bracelets to shake.

"What happened to Frank?" Emily asked.

"He got offered a job in Vermont with a movie. I'm his sister. Let me introduce myself, I'm Caroline." She smiled.

"You two look nothing alike." I blurted out, by mistake.

She laughed harmlessly. "I'm adopted from Germany." She said, still smiling.

"Awesome! Germany is an amazing place." Emily said.

"Not where I was from…" Caroline muttered under her breath.

"So anyway ladies, are we ready for hair?" She asked picking up her spirits.

"Yes, most defiantly, I look horrible." I laughed.

Caroline made me feel utterly self-conscious.


	9. White Room

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

When I got home, I locked myself in my room and completely broke down.

Everything reminded me of Nick. Everything we passed, restaurants, trees, street names, houses, roads.

They all brought back something about Nick.

Nick's words and voice flooded through my mind. It was driving me insane.

I flooded into my room from the bathroom, my hand on my head as I stumbled around.

I wasn't the Miley I was 2 years ago.

Happy, go-lucky Miley.

I'm 16 now, broken, crippled, Miley.

I collapsed onto my bed, gasping for air. I was going through a mental breakdown.

"Why," I cried to myself, "why…" I fell back, the springs on the bed bouncing as I fell to them.

_Is it possible to die from a broken heart? _I questioned myself over and over again.

I was dying here all alone. When Nick was alive, still here, we were broken apart. I never saw him.

But he was there. He was here. He was in reach. He was alive, living his life.

Now that he's gone, we're apart, forever, I was broken.

"No!" I screamed into my pillow as I felt my mother's hand on my back.

She was worried as she slowly spoke my name. "Miley, Miley." She repeated.

"Stop it, mom, leave me,"-I was gasping for at this point-"alone." I spat out.

"I'm not leaving you alone! I'm scared you'll do something. I don't trust you to leave you alone." Mom admitted.

"Stop it mother!" I screamed.

That's when it happened. I fell off the bed and blanked out.

I felt myself gasping for air. My heart was pounding out of my chest, I couldn't breath.

I felt like my throat was closing and that's when I remembered.

I had taken a few more Tylenol than subscribed. A few more than two, maybe 10 more than I was supposed to.

My body decided to react quickly. I felt my eyes rolling into the back of my head and that's when I heard my mother scream.

"Billy, Brandi, anyone! Help!" She screamed.

"I'm sorry mommy." I managed to get out, though it was very raspy and blurred.

I thought the medicine would take away the pain, numb me for a little while.

I didn't think it would cause an _overdose_.

That's when I felt a cold hand touch my neck, checking my pulse.

"It's beating out of her chest, mom." Brandi said franticly.

"Call 911, now Brandi. Now!" Mom ordered.

I felt like I was going insane. My arms were going everywhere, along with my legs.

Mom and Brandi were restraining me; at least, I think it was them.

I felt the hot liquid pouring from my pores, dripping from my face.

My chest was collapsing, it felt like. My head was spinning.

I was dying right there on the floor of my bedroom.

My teeth chattered causing an awkward noise in my mind which collided with my own conscious.

_How could you do this to Tish? _My own thoughts asked me. _Why are you selfish, Miley? Think of Mandy! Tish! Brandi! Noah! Nick!_

Mom started to disappear, along with Brandi and my once joyful room. They were all gone.

Including me.

The pain subsided as I fell out of consciousness.

I didn't know if I'd died or just passed out. But whatever it was, it wasn't a comfortable state.

I started to open my eyes to a bright white room.

No furniture, no windows, doors, nothing. Just one curly haired boy.

"So this is why they sent me here." He huffed crossing his arms.

"What did you expect? A trophy?" I asked as I looked around.

"This is much more- rewarding." Nick laughed.

"What's the reward?" I asked walking closer to him.

"Hmm…" he stopped in thought.

I reached out to him and to my surprise, I didn't go through.

I gasped, I'm dead.

I stood taller and reached my head to his. I slowly pressed my lips against his, to make sure this wasn't just a trick.

To my surprise, I didn't wake up. I didn't fall through. I was kissing Nick.

"Oh my God." I whispered as I fell into his arms, hugging him so tightly any normal person would stop breathing.

He laughed, but not in humor. "You got what you wanted Miley," he started, "now give me what I _need_."

I looked at him confused. He saw that.

"You have to go back. You can't just give it all up like this. Think of Tish. She's petrified right now. The heart monitor is about to go flat Miley. You still have time." He said taking my hand into his.

"I can't leave you." I said as I looking up at him.

"You have to. If you love me,"-he took a deep breath-"you have to leave me. Go live your life."

"I can't live life if you're not there to live it with me!" I exclaimed.

"I'll be there, Miley, with you forever." He sighed.

"But you won't!" I screamed. "You're _dead_!"

"I'll be with you when I'm needed. I won't haunt you. I'll try to get in my brother's head. Get him to leave you alone. Go home Miley." Nick pleaded.

"No." I said.

"Look at your mother!" He screamed pointing to the side.

I saw images of mom, crying hysterically as the heart monitor started racing in the back of the ambulance, Brandi holding her as the nurse tried to help me.

"Keep breathing, my angel." Mom repeated to me as she held my hand.

"You can change that Miley if you go now." Nick said.

"But I don't want to." I murmured.

"You have to." He said squeezing my hand. "I'll be here when you come back."

"But that could be in 80 years!" I cried.

"80 years will go by fast." He laughed. "You'll forget me. You'll move on."

"I don't want to." I said lifelessly.

"Time will pass. You'll find love Miley. I promise you." Nick smiled.

"I-I'll miss you." I choked.

"I'll miss you too." He said warmly.

"One more? I'll be missing out for 80 some years, you know." I teased.

Nick laughed a quickly kissed me, then let go of my hand.

"Go," he instructed.

"How?" I asked.

"Now!" He said backing away.

He started to disappear, just like mom and Brandi and my room had.

"I love you." I whispered as the blackness returned.

This time it stayed for a while and I didn't know what had happened.

There was no voice in my head, no sign I was even alive.

Whatever I had done to myself wasn't good.

I was permanently like this, it felt like.


	10. Devil and Angel

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

I slowly opened my eyes and saw new scenery.

I was in a small room. A hospital room, I suppose.

The walls were a disgusting color of yellow with a wooden border at the top.

There was a small TV on a shelf that was nailed to the right corner of the wall.

The un-matching chairs next to my bed were content with mom and a sleeping dad sitting in them.

"Baby girl? Are you awake?" Mom asked me.

I nodded and tried to sit up, but it hurt too badly.

Mom noticed. "You bruised your back." She explained. "How in the world could you do that to me Miley? Do you know how scared I was? How scared Brandi was?"

"I don't know…" my voice was unintentionally in a whisper.

"Were you trying to commit"-mom struggled as she spoke the next word-"_suicide_?"

"No." I said honestly. "I thought- I thought it would ease the pain. Numb me. Knock me out for a few hours… I didn't know mom."

"Well that was very irresponsible, stupid, selfish, unreasonable and careless! You could have died Miley! If I didn't hear you sobbing… what if I wasn't home- Miley… I'm so disappointed in you." Mom said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry mom… I-" but my tears cut me off. I hadn't realized how much my mom's words _hurt _me.

"Oh sweetheart. Don't cry. I'm sorry. You just scared me so badly. I don't know what I would have done if you had… had _died_." Mom said stroking my hair.

"You were so close to not waking up; you were literally _dying_ in the ambulance. Your heart _stopped _for 2 minutes. And they said it was something they'd never seen. Your heart started up again by itself. I don't know baby, it was a miracle. God knew it wasn't your time to go." She smiled.

I tried to smile, but it hurt because the air thing pushed up my nose more, if that was possible.

"Your prayers probably did the best for me." I said.

Mom smiled and got up. "I'm going to go get a doctor." She said.

I nodded as she walked out the door.

Dad was peacefully asleep next to the empty chair next to the bed. I looked around to study the room some more.

There was one window, covered up by a blue and white paisley curtain.

I looked down at the cover which was a beige color and sighed.

This room was a boring blob of crap.

I rubbed my head in frustration.

I had so many questions, but no one to ask them to.

"What the freak have I done this time?" I asked myself in a whisper.

_You're such an idiot, Miley Ray Cyrus! A complete nut job! _A voice in my head screamed at me.

_You were only trying to help yourself, you didn't know. You were clueless. You've learned your lesson. _A different voice reassured me.

It felt like the devil and the angel, sitting on my shoulders.

The devil on my right, telling me what a horrible person I was, when the angel-who was on my left- told me to forgive myself.

But as you always see on TV, when people side with the devil, I did the same.

But then I got to thinking. What if there was someone in the middle? Sitting on my head or something? Telling me I was a horrible person, but I needed to forgive myself?

I wish there would be. But of course, there wouldn't be.

I sighed and drifted back into a forced sleep.

-

Where ever my dreams had taken me now, I enjoyed it.

I was on a beach. A quiet beach, not like the ones you find home in California.

The only noises I heard were seagulls in the distance and the roaring waves before me.

There was nothing here but sand, trees and water, then me of course.

I looked around this place and remembered it.

This was a place I use to go in my head, when I was a child.

I always loved the beaches, the sand, and the animals.

But the only difference from when I was a five year old and now is that I was alone on this beach.

When I was a kid, my once Prince Charming sat beside me.

I guess that changed, since I had my Prince Charming. And Mr. Prince Charming decided to break my heart. Then go and die. Then haunt me…

I guess that's why I sat here alone on this beach. Because it was how it was in my reality.

Half of my soul had been taken away, I felt alone. Even though I had my family, I was alone.

No matter how many guys I kissed, I do's I said, how many kids I birthed, I never would feel whole because none of it happened with Nick… I remembered I wasn't going to let that happen.

I wasn't going to allow myself to love again. Kiss again. Even think about marrying anyone or God forbid, having _children_.

No matter what, I was _not _going to let that happen. Because I didn't want it.

Sure, my soul would forever crave the attention, beg me for love. I wouldn't give in.

Everything I wanted with Nick, I wasn't just going to give it to someone else.

The dream turned to a nightmare.

The bright sun disappeared, the calm waves turned deadly. The sand beneath me flew everywhere. Wind hit me in the face.

Something pushed me into the water. I struggled, I tried to swim, I tried to breathe as the water filled my lungs.

I got taken under in the waves. And the last thing I saw was Nick on the shore, safe and sound, laughing at me.

My eyes shot open. I gasped, even though I knew it was only a dream.

Mom shushed me as my breathing became uncontrollable.

"Is she okay?" Mom asked the nurse.

"Yes, she's just reacting to the medicine." The nurse sighed.

Something about this sigh made me think mom had asked this question many of times, to the same nurse.

Knowing mom, she'd be alarmed by every sudden movement.

"I'm okay." I murmured. I felt drained.

"She can go home tomorrow." The nurse told mom, looking at her chart.

Mom smiled widely. "Really? Oh wonderful!" she exclaimed.

That made me wonder. How long had I been in here?

-

I sat in the grass playing with different flowers in the backyard.

I felt the random urge to play in the backyard when I came home.

I felt very childish, immature.

I sighed and looked at the sky. A flock of birds flew across my head.

I held onto the bottom of my sleeve as I watched the birds.

My hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail and I had on shorts and a long sleeved shirt.

My toes curled at the sudden chill that went through my body. I had no idea what had happened.

I looked around. No sign of any difference. I blinked. Nothing disappeared. Why was I all of the sudden freaked out?

I looked down at my necklace and saw the time. I was an hour and half late.

They said if I was delayed, I'd start feeling panicked.

I got up and ran back into the house, up the stairs, down the hall, to the left through the door and into my bedroom.

I went into my bathroom and turned on the light. I started rummaging through my open medicine cabinet.

Advil- no. Midol- no. Toothpaste- no. The thing I was looking for was not in my cabinet. I went down a shelf and found what I was looking for.

My depression medicine.

Yes, that's right! _Depression _medicine! Tell the paparazzi and I'll get killed.

"Miley is Depressed!" one cover would say. "She's Addicted to Pain Killers at Such a Young Age." Another would spit.

The doctor had put me on it because of _why _I was admitted into the hospital.

It didn't really help me at all.

No one believed me that I actually wasn't trying to end my life. Easing the pain was all I wanted.

I turned on the faucet and got a cup. I half filled it with water then stuck the pill in my mouth.

I drank the whole cup of water, closing my cabinet when I was finished.

I stomped out of my bathroom and sat right down on the floor, putting my head between my knees.


	11. Closure

**Disclaimer: I own nothing/no one except the plot.**

I sighed while I was looking staring at myself in the mirror.

My hands were literally shaking. I felt like my knees were going to give out. I was scared to death.

Tonight had been the night I wasn't looking forward to. I knew what was going to happen.

I was going to be proposed to.

The past seven years haven't been as bad as I expected them to be.

Around the age of 18 I met a guy. He made me happy.

I didn't want to be happy when it came to guys though.

But I _needed _myself to be happy.

I agreed to go on a date with him; that date led to tonight.

"You can do this Miley." I told myself.

Ethan made me happy. Why couldn't I accept that? I loved him.

After seven years, a chunk of me still missed Nick.

I kept his picture on my dresser, just to remind me he was still here somehow.

I didn't know how Ethan could handle it. Knowing part of his girlfriend still loved her dead ex boyfriend.

I wasn't enough for him. He was so sweet, so caring. He loved me for me, the still broken me.

I knew Nick would probably approve of Ethan and me. As Joe and Kevin had told me in the past, Nick only wanted me to be happy. He'd do anything for that.

Today I was dressed normally. I was told "don't you dare dress up, Miles" by Ethan himself.

I had no idea where I was being taken. He wouldn't tell me crap all he said was "be comfortable."

Doesn't give many details, but in my gut I knew what was happening.

I had on a purple shirt with jeans. Comfortable, right?

I pulled out my phone and dialed Mandy's number.

Mandy was one of the few people who still treated me the same after all of my scares.

"Hello?" Mandy asked.

"Hi." I said.

"Hey there, Miley." She laughed.

"He's gonna propose." I said in a dead tone.

"Oh my God!" Mandy exclaimed. "How do you know? Did you find the ring or something?"

"No I didn't find the ring, Mandy. I have a gut feeling. He won't tell me about anything. He won't even tell me where we're going!" I said flustered.

"Okay, calm down." She laughed.

"Calm down? A guy too good for me is going to ask me to marry him! How the hell can I calm down, Mandy? I still love Nick somewhere in me and Ethan doesn't even mind! How can I let him ruin his life like that? Ruin it with me?" I asked with the hysteria gaining in every sentence.

"Okay then, calm isn't the answer for you. Do you love Ethan?" Mandy asked.

I sighed. "Yes. I love him."

"Do you want to spend the rest of your life with him?" she asked.

I froze. The rest of my life?

"Y-y-yes." I breathed.

"Then shut up and go get engaged." Mandy laughed.

"But I can't." I cried.

And there go the tears.

"Miley don't cry. Nick would want you to be happy. Want you to live your life. He wouldn't want you to give up the whole life you could have with Ethan. He _needs_ you to be happy. I promise you that." Mandy said.

"I know that. That's what makes it so hard to let him go." I said wiping away my tears.

"Call me when you get home. I love you, Miley." Mandy said.

Dial tone.

She hung up on me. I knew it was for my own good though, so I didn't even think about it.

I looked at the clock. Ethan said he'd pick me up at seven. It was six. I still had an hour. I still had an hour.

I sighed and sat down on my bed. I put my head in my hand, not even bothering to wipe away the tears I let fall.

"Why are you crying, Miley?" a voice asked me.

I looked up and shook my head. "No, no, no." I told myself shutting my eyes.

Now I was seeing things.

"Denial isn't healthy, Miley." _Nick _said sarcastically.

"This isn't happening!" I told myself out loud. "I'm insane. I need mental help."

"You aren't insane Miley." He sighed.

"If I'm seeing dead people, I am!" I said, finally answering him.

"Why can't you just be happy Miley? I don't want you to keep holding on to the past." He said.

"I don't want to forget you. I don't want to forget." I pleaded.

"I'm not asking you to forget. I'm just asking you to move on. It's been hard seeing you like this, refusing to be happy." He said. "_I _want you to be happy."

"I can't let you go. I want to be happy. I wanna let go of the past. But I can't, you've made a permanent impact on me, Nick." I sighed.

"You love him." Nick said blankly.

"You have a problem with that? You asked me to move on." I said.

"No, no. I want you to move on. I want you to be happy. I came here, for what I promise you is the last time, to tell you I want you to live your life with Ethan. If you think I'm unhappy because you're with him, I'm not. I'm grateful. More than you know. And I'm happy that he loves you too." Nick smiled.

"I'm sorry." I said quietly.

"For what? Being human? Falling for love like you're _supposed _to?" he asked.

"No, I'm sorry I thought you wouldn't approve. That you'd be upset." I laughed.

"I'm glad you can laugh about that now." He smiled.

"Thanks." I said. "For everything, for making me realize that you always wanted the best for me."

"You know it." Nick laughed.

I felt closure for the very first time in seven years.

"Nick?"

"Yeah Miley?" he answered.

"I love you." I said.

"Oh I know." He laughed. "I love you too."

"Will you ever be able to forgive me? For doubting?" I asked.

"Forgiven."

That's when my phone rang. "Answer it." Nick said. I nodded.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Hey. I'm outside." Ethan said.

I looked at the clock. Seven-o-one. "Ok I'll be right there." I said hanging up.

"I guess this is it." I sighed getting up.

"I'm always here." Nick smiled.

"Thank you." I mouthed walking out of the door.

I could finally love Ethan without any regrets. I knew Nick was happy.

I could _finally _let go.


End file.
